Big Rock Candy Mountain

The official voice of the Deseret Liberation Organization

A tale of two activists

Tim DeChristopher, the man who stood up to the cronyism that epitomized the Bush years, has been indicted by Utah’s U.S. Attorney:

Tim DeChristopher — the monkey-wrenching University of Utah student who caused an environmental sensation by disrupting a high-profile oil and gas lease auction — pinned his hopes on President Barack Obama to get him out of trouble.

But shortly after a federal grand jury handed up a two-count felony indictment Wednesday against the 27-year-old economics major, Interior Secretary Ken Salazar crushed any notion of help from Washington.

The Bureau of Land Management, Salazar warned, “will not tolerate future conduct which undermines the integrity of the bid process.”

Well, at least we aren’t the only ones.

Meanwhile, some nutjob who gets off by creeping out the families of scientists will now get a $500 check from the government. Making a principled stand for transparency and sustainability in public policy is a bad thing, but trying to get beat up by the cops because you don’t understand biology is the basis of American government.

UPDATE: Thanks to Obama, we’ll now also have JesusGoblins bugging the hardworking researchers of Upper Campus as well. The Jesus Goblin is basically identical to the VeganZombie, but is working on a fluff degree that doesn’t involve “identity.”

Filed under: Utah Politics,

Iceland and Utah

Utah’s economy is still doing relatively well, owing to our status as the only place in the country where people build homes that also has water and soil and less than 45 minute drives between subdivisions and minimalls. It helps that the predominant religion maintains that being stupid is not only stupid, but also sinful. However, we do share one thing with Iceland: a counterfactual inbreeding meme:

5. “Icelanders are among the most inbred human beings on earth — geneticists often use them for research.”

Now this is insulting. Icelanders’ DNA shows their roots to be a healthy mix between Nordic Y chromosomes and X chromosomes from the British Isles. The reason genetic-research company deCODE uses Icelandic genes for its research is not because the codes are so homogeneous, but because the population has kept excellent genealogical records dating back thousands of years.

Heh… my bio major friends have to destroy the Utah version of this rumor on a daily basis. The best part is that Pioneer stock Mormons are actually one of the more genetically diverse populations of white Americans, owing to frequent intermarriage between first generation immigrants, due to a shared religious identity which effectively negated ethnic tensions. Only in the twentieth century was the same commonplace outside of Mormondom.

[Daily Intel]

Filed under: Miscella, Utah Politics

Common Ground: A Eulogy

I am often asked why how can support gay rights and be a good Mormon at the same time. The answer is simple. If the Church lets the state GOP ignore everything they’ve ever said about social justice, immigration, abortion, or education, I feel they won’t care if my views on homosexuality conflict with what McConkie says is doctrine. Due to typical ignoring of constituents by the GOP, and a total lack of moral courage on the part of the LDS Church, Equality Utah’s Common Ground Initiative has failed. In other words, rights basic to the liberal system of free markets and free government have been determined by committee not to apply to some on the basis of what they like to do in their bedrooms. Likely, none of us will have the balls to throw the pigs out in two years, especially with the meaningless ethics bills poised to cover the legislators from any form of criticism. I will not comment on the Buttars fiasco.

But it was fun to think that somehow the Church’s meaningless post-Prop 8 message actually meant something, that it would return to being a meaningful conservative institution instead of the reactionary vanguard it has become.

A wake will be held for the measure tonight from six to eight at Nobrow.

Filed under: Utah Politics

Obama to speak in Utah Irredenta

Obama is going to promote his anti-reality plan today in one the larger burghs of the Mormon Empire:

Obama will announce his Housing Save shortly, from the “where?” suburb of Phoenix called “Mesa, Arizona.” Mesa is one of those places that had 722 residents in the year 1900. Now, it’s got nearly a half-million people, most of them added since 1980. Like the rest of Phoenix and Las Vegas and San Diego and the “Inland Empire” and the entirety of Florida, Mesa has been foreclosed upon, by Fate.

Basically, all the silly towns made up by developers in the ’70s on the ruins of failed 1850s Mormon settlements are probably going to return to desert, like they should; people will go back to living in places where you can survive without air conditioning, vaguely-worded contracts, and Mexican slave-labor. The Church won’t sell the half of Florida it still owns, and Las Vegas will revert to being a Cove Fort-style place for your grandparents to torment you on the way to/from L.A., except controlled by the Mafia. Even if Obama succeeds in saving people who will do anything a realtor tells them to do, concern for the environment and/or actual environmental devastation will halt desert growth, meaning that bands will once again regularly stop in inhabitable Western cities like Salt Lake, Denver, and Missoula instead of imaginary places like Taos, Tempe, or Henderson. Coachella and Burning Man will be relocated to Ketchum and Provo (with “man” replaced by “third-rate cow college”).

[Wonkette]

Filed under: Politics, Utah Politics

GOP renews attack on marriage, family

Rather than strengthening “traditional marriage,” civil unions and other separate-but-equal regimes have the opposite effect:

…it is terribly humorous and ironic that the French created civil unions to protect the institution of marriage…and now civil unions are undermining marriage because people are opting for them instead of marriage.

One of the few dozen people on earth to have actually read Burke, Sully, chimes in:

In this, the gay movement, in its support for civil marriage equality, is a force right now for social conservatism; and the Christianist movement is the one fomenting the real attack on the institution of marriage

Meanwhile, the Utah GOP continues its radical revanchist crusade against LGBTQ Utahns and their families, striking down all but one of the Common Ground bills supported by 83% of Utahns (the last is slated for execution tomorrow). Some post by an idiot on Craigslist captures the view of America’s whitest sausagefest:

The closer you get to the blade of the fan the more likely you are to get your finger chopped. This follows the same logic as the people in Europe who had to get their guns registered. As soon as all of the guns were registered, it was easy to collect them and the people were defenseless against tyranny. If you have civil unions, it follows that it is one small step away from gay marriage, and then we will be ripe for destruction like Sodom and Gomorrah. God help this perverted country before it is too late.

The event to which he alludes never actually happened, but does appear to be some sort of NRA-bastardization of Fascist/socialist gun control programs. The gun debate, along with abortion and gay rights, is dominated on both sides by ideologues who don’t pretend to care about reality. I’m pretty sure God would like families to succeed, but your bizarre anti-gay fetishism is making us look like idiots.

Filed under: Utah Politics

Lawmakers debate bill regulating hobo-poop

The University is finally starting work on a bill designed to prevent deranged bums from wandering into portions OSH or the law school and making doodies all over everything. The administration says its bill would allow the campus cops to keep “disruptive persons” off of campus for “extended periods of time. Getting rid of the TRAX-hobo menace is quite a problem for Police Chief Scott Folsom:

There have been a number of people on campus that cause disturbances. It has become problematic. We have been struggling to find a solution to properly handle them.

A good starter would be either getting rid of buses and trains or euthanizing the homeless, but neither of those are legal or ethical. As a result, we are stuck using vague language to argue for a vaguely worded bill that will likely do nothing to stop that weird old person from hitting on you after chemistry. Balls.

[Daily Utah Chronicle]

Filed under: Utah Politics,

U business school demands moneys

Remember in college, at the U, going into that horrible circular business building to listen to some old fart lecture about federal regulations applying to accountancy? Well, that horrible building is still there (though the prof has died), and needs to be DESTROYED and replaced with a building suitable for a major research university, with things like toilets and windows. Unfortunately, the stingy ol’ bastards on Capitol Hill don’t wanna pay for it, on account of Fannie May and Nasdaq.

“This building would be part of a larger solution,” said Chris Treasure, a marketing analyst for the business school. “We can use the bonding as part of a broader economic stimulus bill that would create jobs and provide opportunities for many different people.”

Haha job creation is for Democrats, if you like it so much move to Communist China! Besides, everyone knows the Lord’s elect (i.e. those who will actually make money) all go to B.Y.U., because of their righteousness in the pre-existence.

[Daily Utah Chronicle]

Filed under: Utah Politics

Wingnuts try to prevent their gardens, children from being tended

zapata1In yet another show of the lack of LDS Church influence in Utah (remember all the talk of “charity” and “humanity”?), the silly bill requiring colleges not to allow undocumented immigrants from Utah to pay in-state tuition may be revived, as may an attempt to prevent said undocumented students from working.

Instead of repealing the 2002 in-state tuition law, as has repeatedly been tried unsuccessfully in recent years, Rep. Richard Greenwood, R-Roy, wants to require affected students to sign an affidavit each semester promising they haven’t worked in the United States during the calendar year.

What a great way to strengthen Utah’s economy, preventing the only people capable of actually doing work, the young and the poor, from working. Good luck tending to your 20-head families and building your swimming pools without Lamanitish help-meets, Draperites!

[Salt Lake Tribune] [Daily Utah Chronicle]

Filed under: Utah Politics

ZOMG they are taking away our right to choose!

The confederacy of wingnuts formally known as the Utah House have approved evil, naughty, backwards laws that will prevent people too stupid to use condoms from having abortions quite a long time after their pregnancies begin.

HB90S1 would increase the penalty for an illegal abortion from a third-degree felony to a second-degree felony. HB222 would require doctors to inform mothers about to have an abortion of anesthesia options for a fetus older than 20 weeks.

Omigawsh! These purely procedural laws which will apply to maybe four women each year are a great threat to democracy itself. First they take away our right not to be informed by our physicians of the treatment we will receive, then they force us all to listen to Rush Limbaugh. It is a sad time to be a lady in Deseret.

[Salt Lake Tribune]

Filed under: Utah Politics, , ,

Righteous protest co-opted by lame-o-cons

Senator Valentine’s half-hearted speech to us. For some reason, I’m not convinced that the state government will actually do anything, as the Senate is controlled by wingnuts, who hate anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy. Good thing I have a full-ride scholarship.

meh. Meanwhile, some nutcase wants to waste your money on a court battle that we are guaranteed to lose. THIS is Ceti Alpha V!!

Filed under: Utah Politics, , ,