Big Rock Candy Mountain

The official voice of the Deseret Liberation Organization

OMG! Utah legislatorz may actually do something?

Due to significant voter backlash (the GOP almost lost a few seats), the state legislature has vowed to actually do something other than condemning gay Jewish atheists and their nefarious public education systems this session. I will be blogging it and may even pull off some horrible liveblogging. Here are the main talking points:

  • “After a year that witnessed an unprecedented war over legislative ethics, Utah voters still manage to maintain their faith in the integrity of lawmakers, but are hungry for change.” This is because their comically corrupt representitives are on the Hi-Council, and thus genetically incapable of doing anything wrong, because of the pre-existence. [Salt Lake Tribune]

  • Meanwhile notorious Gentile liberals are doubting of the ability of God’s Chosen Lawmakers to actually do anything. Pray for them to learn to accept Brother Buttars. [Crawler]
  • Dan Jones, who is still alive for some reason, confirms everyone loves the governor because he is a Republican but also not a douchebag. [Deseret News]
  • My Senator, his Infernal Majesty Howard Stephenson, makes an argument that is neither morally abhorrent nor factually incorrect. [Utah Senate Majority]
  • The old white rich Mormon who rules the arch-conservative state Senate is somehow cool enough to live in 9th ‘n 9th, though he doesn’t consume any of the sin juice or read any of the intellectuals’ notorious Satan-scripture “books.” [Deseret News]
  • Our lovely Beehive State is under attack from antisocial deviants demanding family values, free agency. [Eric Ethington]
  • The meat-eating mothers of seven residing in West Jordan and Eagle Mountain now have the approval of the liberal Jewish Masons who control the media. [New York Times]
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