Big Rock Candy Mountain

The official voice of the Deseret Liberation Organization

Barack Obama is Bonzo’s new step-father!

Ronald Reagan and a young Dubya.Mr. Jeffrey Hart, a former speechwriter for America’s second fake-cowboy president, says that Barry “Terrorist” Hussein “Ayers” Obama is the new R-squared:

In fact the two men have a great deal in common. Temperament, to be sure. And like Reagan, Obama will be a transformative president. And like Reagan, Obama is a Great Communicator, his oratory energizing people for change.

Also, both men were popular with all the cool kids. Just as my mother’s generation lost its electoral virginity to Ronaldiño Ray-Gun, so my generation is losing its to Barry-O today. Also:

  • Barack Obama is a secret Muslim, while Ronald Reagan was a secret Communist;
  • Barack Obama was a community organizer, while Ronald Reagan played on on the teevee screen;
  • Barack Obama made Kerry seem tolerable in ’04, while Ronald Reagan did the same for Goldwater in ’64;
  • Both men chose weirdos from the United States Senate as vice-president;
  • Barack Obama will be the first black president, while Ronald Reagan was the first white president;
  • Ronald Reagan starred in The Cattle Queen of Montana, while Barack Obama’s opponent’s running-mate actual won that award;
  • Both ran against slightly-creepy freakazoids with dopey smiles;
  • Ronald Reagan helped end the Cold War, while Barack Obama’s rival, Walnuts, is keen to re-start it;
  • Both men came to power in a time when the economy was in ruins and our foreign policy was effin’-retarded;
  • Both men rank among the sexiest to hold the office of the presidency;
  • Barack Obama palled around with domestic terrorists, while Ronald Reagan palled around with foreign ones;
  • Ronald Reagan ordered airstrikes on Libya, while Barack Obama will order them on North-Dakotah.

Filed under: Politics

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